It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
