Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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