we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Michael Bay diarrhea
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
