i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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