in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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