On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
