No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
