How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
