just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
