There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
