please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
