my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
