I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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