The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
