i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize