Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize