Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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