good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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