My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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