I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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