I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
