I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Reggie can tackle my bush.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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