it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize