Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
