i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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