He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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