Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
