Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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