We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
