just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The ass gains better be worth it
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