my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They took my balls.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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