He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
