I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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