at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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