hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
