Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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