There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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