Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
