YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize