The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
