oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
