You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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