I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
