last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
