you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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