Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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