we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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