I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
