he told me I talked like a deaf person
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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