You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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