I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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