Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He has the fingertips of a God
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