like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
