Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
