u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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