Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
