my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
