I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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