I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
