I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
