every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
