HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
