u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
