Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
