i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
