I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Someone came in the potted fern
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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