Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
