I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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