he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
