I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize