are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
