I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
