Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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