So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
sarcasm needs its own font
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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