He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
