I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
