Small penises have feelings too.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
