I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
