Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
