you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize