Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
