does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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